Fangz 4 da asks!

To everyone who believed my “Confession” post

Confession

Okay um I don’t really know how to say this but…

When people ask me if I’m really the one who wrote My Immortal, I answer no. But the truth is…

Yes it is actually me. I didn’t talk about it because I am obviously deeply ashamed of this piece of crap, and because I’m still trying to get over the crap that was going on at the time.

In 2006 I was 15 years old, and as I might have said here, or you can tell is you know my personal Tumblr, english isn’t my first language. Back then I was still learning and my english was really really really bad… Even in French I wrote like shit, so my english was a million times worse because I’d barely learned it in class and what I wrote was mostly learned from message boards and chat rooms. I thought that if I wrote “2” instead of “to” etc, people would think I was a native english speaker. Yes I was really stupid.

I hadn’t actually read Harry Potter. I had only seen the 4th film and I tried really hard to be “goth” at the time, so witch and wizard stuff seemed cool. I got the names wrong all the time because the French names are different, so I kept mixing them up. Hot Topic doesn’t exist in France, I’d only heard about it through the internet, and from where I was it seemed like the Mecca of all things gothic I couldn’t find in my shitty hometown in Nowhere, France. So yeah I didn’t actually dress gothic or anything (my mom wouldn’t let me), I just wrote Ebony as what I wanted to look like.

At the time, I didn’t know shit about actual gothic culture, I only knew famous stuff like Evanescence, My Chemical Romance, Marylin Manson, etc. I didn’t even listen to Marylin Manson, I just wrote him in there because I thought he was the ultimate goth for real hardcore goths. Yeah I was really on the surface.

So I just wrote this thing every night after coming home. I thought Harry Potter with gothic characters was the coolest thing in the world. And all the feedback… well, they were all idiots who didn’t understand goth. You have to know that I was the weird kid in school, because I was trying really hard to be goth, and everyone else was into rap and all that stuff. The “preps” bullied me so I just escaped in the writing of My Immortal.

I had sort of a plan in my head, but after a while I just wrote whatever came into my mind. It got worse and worse because I got more and more depressed because of personal problems that were going on at the time. I’d rather not explain in detail here — it’s very hard for me to just mention it, it was the worst time of my life and I’d rather not re-live it by writing about it. It was bad enough to have me sent to a psychiatrist for a few years, which is when I disappeared from the internet.

I won’t fill you in on the details of the following years during which I got over my problems and improved my english. I came back on the internet at age 19, absolutely not aware of the notoriety of my fanfic. When I found out about all the dramatic readings, comics, sequels, I was just kind of… surprised. I didn’t remember it to be that bad. So I read it again. And yes it was that bad. But it made me laugh. I was so young and stupid back then.

So I decided to make fun of myself by adapting my own shitty fanfic into a comic, but I didn’t want to let anyone know I was the original author. I was afraid of all the mockery and questions I’d be getting. I’d rather be the only one making fun of myself. This ask blog is mostly answered by Ebony who pretty much has the personnality I had at age 15. It’s fun to do and I enjoy the feedback, though sometimes I’d like to move on from My Immortal and make my own projects. It’s just a pastime right now, but since so many of you enjoy it, I keep doing it. It’s still fun, and the ask blog is easier than the comic…

Fangzzz to all of you. You may now release the questions you were all dying to ask me.